so long summer life

As I sit here cleaning up from breakfast my littles are squealing and giggling up the stairs and I suddenly find myself sitting on the chair with tears streaming down my face.  Today is the last day of summer break and while many parents are ready for the next year to begin, I am not.  It went by too fast and my summer to-do list is not yet done.  I also ache for the sisterly bond that has been strengthened all summer...two little girls who have spent every day together playing, arguing and sometimes crying, but mostly playing.  My home has been and filled with laughter...very loud laughter and I am not ready to see it end.  With school comes the rush of life. We have a strict schedule to keep to make sure lunches are made, breakfast is eaten and we make it to school before the final bell.  The afternoons are filled with homework and prep for the next day.  We have held off any extracurricular activities so far because I just can't see how to fit them in and still have time for family dinner and playtime.  However, I think that in the near future it may all change and I'll have to adapt...rework my expectations.  And then before we know it, bath and bedtime and my home is quiet again.

As a mom I am excited to see my kids grow and to watch them learn but it is really hard sometimes.  I feel that the years are speeding up...sleepless nights with an infant didn't seem to pass too quickly...but this, this good stuff (frustration and discipline included) seems to fly by.  When I think of what will determine if I have been a successful parent, one of the main things is the relationship that my girls will have with one another.  More than anything I desire them to be able to appreciate one another for their strengths and differences.  To know that when the world may be crumbling around them, that besides God, they have someone who will be there and will help see them through.  To know that when they accomplish a goal...there is someone cheering them on and supporting them along the way. To know that they will always have a friend.

I think that one of the best things that we have done as parents is to have give our oldest a sibling (I am not in anyway saying that two kids is the best number, you have to do what is best for your family and your situation).  We always planned on having at least two...we wanted that built in playmate and having siblings ourselves, we knew that we wanted it for our kids too.  I have found that having more than one kid in the house has helped us all learn important skills that in turn create great character.  Sharing/taking turns is the obvious one...my oldest is great at giving and the youngest is currently learning.  As parents we have gleaned our sharing skills as well...we have to share our time and attention and occasionally the last cookie and do so with joy and love.  Compassion has also been an important byproduct of siblings, both our kids have really grasped this one, which blesses this mom's heart.  When one gets hurt, the other rushes to their side to console them and get an ice pack. Sometimes a hug from their sister does more than mommy's kisses.  Kindness and unconditional love is a given...they know that no matter what, we are a family and this is who you will be there for you.  And then there is the art of getting along...this skill will help them in life undoubtedly. We have all been in situations when we have to work with someone we'd rather not...sisters sometimes get this way too, especially as they age and develop their own likes and dislikes and make their own friends. Regardless, I think that it is important for our kids to be able to overcome that and still get along.  When we have a bad day we cannot just ignore the responsibilities of life, these little ones are learning by our actions and we are growing too as we master these same traits that we are trying to instill.  

I feel that becoming a mom has rearranged my priorities and made ME a better person. There were times in my life when I know that I was too selfish with my time and definitely too lazy.  I think back to my years before kids and wonder what I did with all my weekends and afternoons...I wonder what good I could have done had I changed my focus and softened my heart then.  If I had sacrificed some of my time and allowed my relationship with Jesus to blossom then...perhaps the early years of marriage and motherhood may have been different.  But that was then, and this is now and I know that this current life is where God wants me.  I know motherhood isn't for everyone and some days I still struggle, but having these girls around has helped me grow and become more dependent on Him.  And hopefully, along the way, I can be an encouragement to someone else.

So as the sun sets tonight and the house grows quiet, I'll stop and watch my girls sleep and think about our summer and smile at the memories.  It was a hard day last year when summer ended...I can still remember the look on Hazel's face as we sent Juliet off to school and she had to get back in the car with me by herself. Her sweet little face was sad, confused and missing her sissy (as she calls her).  I wiped my own tears out of sight and thought to myself, me too kid...me too.